Highlands by Design

Frequently Asked Questions

Gangsta Money Mark asks “What does your name mean, if there is any meaning?

The original idea behind Highlands by Design came up almost randomly, and at first it was kind of dismissed, but closer examination revealed a message within those 3 words. You see, we had at the time also started to create a website about the local area. The characters, landmarks, and rumours would all be broken down and analysed to find the interesting things about the Highlands. It was to become, in some way, the Southern Highlands as seen by a small group of designers, so the name fit the concept perfectly.

Dan Dan the fast dancing man asks “Are your websites any good?

Hell yeah! They’re better than anything your Grandpa could do! Even if your Grandpa was named Jeffery Zeldman, we’d kick his ass at websites (as long as it wasn’t the real Mr Zeldman). We make sites that POP. You ever wanted a site that POPPED? Well we’re your guys… but first you gotta show us the moves. If we like your moves, then we want your money. Or dance lessons. We don’t kid around here.

Dan Dan the faster dancing boy asks “What do you make your websites with?

We make them with a combination of futurist computers, a network of bendy straws, and a proprietary in house developed punch card system! We say “Hey computer, make us a website“, and the computer clocks in to work with a Hello Kitty punch card, and then goes off and does its thing. It’ll then come back 6 months later and print out a website on its built in dot matrix printer. If we like it, we say “Yeaaaah Boyeee“, just like Flavor Flav. Then we drink milkshakes (using the bendy straws)!

Fist McDoodle asks “I heard you do SEO

SEO is HAHA funny. We dig it, but it’s the biggest scam on the planet. It’s a bigger scam than those Nigerian email scams. You know the ones? Bigger than that, ten-fold! If you pay anyone a single cent for SEO, we’ll call you a moron, but never to your face. We’ll send in a memo. Our advice to would-be Search Engine Pirates and Terrorists… save yourselves some bucks and do some research. It’s really not that hard! “LOOK LOOK You’re Pagerank SE7EN” the kids will cry out! “Let’s trade linxxxz0rz!” So yeah, we use a range of techniques that Search Engines seem to like, but not for you… and no, we don’t want your dirty SEO money cause we’re not into crazy terrorist like antics and 10 point scams! I mean seriously, what the hell is an SEO expert anyway?

<soapbox>On that note, what’s with all the [insert tech term here] rockstar business I keep seeing everywhere? Has society become so conservative that we now call programmers rockstars? This kind of thing genuinely makes me feel sad. You can’t compare some Ruby on Rails nerd with someone like GG Allin or Keith Richards… it’s completely absurd. Until the day programmers start dropping dead from drug overdoses, let’s stop this nonsense!</soapbox>

Gloria the Glorified Sales Assistant asks “So what do you guys actually do?

We keep it phresh, 24/7, non-stop with the body rock, all off the clock. Well… you know how some guys like to work? We don’t! Work is called work for a reason. We’re hobbyists at best! We like to make things we like to use. If we specialise in anything, it’s the fun stuff. We always say yes to no, which also means we always say no to yes! If someone comes in and says “Hey guys, I’d like a website for my pet fish Rhonda. I got an IOmega Zip disk full of PICTS, and a Microsoft Publisher file with my website design“, we’ll jump around like caged koalas, clenched fists punching the air, and then sing popular songs, but replace every syllable with ‘NO‘. Then we’ll sing more songs, and together we will hold hands, and sing NO again, over and over and over, until eventually they leave. Rhonda will cry herself to sleep… forever. YES TO NO. It’s our motto, and we’ll die happy/poor cause of it.

James the 23rd level Marxist asks “So I take it you don’t want any work?

If it’s work, we don’t want it! If it’s fun and challenging, we’ll need to think about it. You see, if you’ve ever worked anywhere, you’ll know that most people tend to suffer from the banality of a common mind. We’re all well aware of this… just ask your neighbours! This is why we don’t have an office, any cashflow, or any friends. Sure we like money as much as the bourgeois sales person driving the hand me down Mercedes, but we’re not the sort of people willing to sell our souls to knock out twenty $500 websites a week. We’re hobbyists, and hobbyists like most artists, feel quality is more important than treating what we do as a commodity that can be bought and sold at sweat shop prices to please people we, in all probability, wouldn’t even like.

Dan Dan the fasting dance man asks “Is Bowral cold? I was thinking of moving down there

It’s ice cold! The only reason to move near Bowral is to die. If you took every middle class wannabe socialite from Sydney, and threw them all into a tiny town near a mountain and some cafes, you’d have Bowral! In fact, that is Bowral! The town has no money you see, and once the baby boomers all die out (we give it less than 5 years), hell, it’ll look like one of those ghetto suburbs you see on A Current Affair. Yeah we love it, cause it’s a vital source of almost endless entertainment. Just watch your back when the kids realise there’ll be no inheritance. They’ll rob you blind! Ohh yeah, and cause they’ll probably end up working in some horrible bank job, or worse, as lawyers, make sure to keep your money in the frozen orange juice containers behind the septic tank in the garden shed… and remember to never make eye contact!

Gestapo Grills the Nietzschean Scholar asks “Are you guys really as bitter as you sound?

NO of course not. We just don’t understand the types of people that like to wear business suits. They wear them on weekends, and when at family dinners with Uncle Scrappy and Digger Dog. They wear them at the pool, when on the phone, and especially when trying to sell people “BUZZ WORDS” and “KRAZY KOLA”. You know the types, I’m sure you do. Hell, you could be one of them! We also don’t trust people with too much money. You gotta wonder how many kittens and puppies were strangled somewhere in their bloodline to become ‘so damn money’. So yeah, we’re working class leftist marxist pinko scum, but we’re proud of that! At least it means we’re honest people.

Gusto the Follower of all things Absurd asks “Is this all a joke? Are you ever serious?

Yes of course :) and no, never :(